Zooey’s Dairy

You can be new again
ig: unknownlovrrr
Nov.2025/26

New born

i've decieded i want to start fresh. its almost impossible, but im willing to acive whatever it takes.. because im so sick of this constant dull boring daily routine. i wanna feel alive again, study well and watch Bob Ross. Do art and write poems.ijust need to be clean and gentle. not perfect or anything.. i dont aim for perfection, i aim for abetter Z that pirorities stuff over what doesnt serve her.

Nov.27

Coding sucks

Hello there world.. I'm really grateful for figuring out coding again..for a while i thought my mind is no longer interested in anything, gratefullu it still is alive. it was just off..work is exhausting. Acadimic pressure is the worst. You're constantly thinking if youe doing well or not, because you never know. i dont know what im gonna do in 2 years from now, who will i be then..a lot of thoughts about the future that drains my energy alot. Past is no exicption, i cant help it but think about someone alot, let's call him Isohel. or is that too long? but whatever..hes everywhere..my stuipd ass connected everything to him. Peaceful moments? him. Mac and cheese? him. Cats? him. Studying? him. Art? him. Good style? him..everything in my day just reminds me of him its getting unhealthy for me and should figure something to stop it cuz what the hell. Attachment distroies our brain function. i wanna see things.. see me and my life instead of that person which probably doesnt give a damn about me. even if they do, this is unhealthy. its like loving someone who died and no longer exists. Its sick. Though i know i will certainly move on cause i always do. i dont know why its taking too long this time..maybe because he didnt hurt me so its harder t move on. wait..what was there to move on from? we didnt have the kind of friendship where you send voice msgs or pictures. Till the last moment he doesnt know about my face or my voice and never told him where i live directly. so i probably made this whole thing spcial by my imagination. and fuck i caught cold from my sister. However things will work out and i will get to live the peaceful days again.

Nov.29

Life update

Hi again, yesterday i figured what it really means to have no energy. My cold got worse and i stayed in bed almost all day. I've been hearing a ringing in my ear since yesterday. This honestly made me grateful for my ability to breathe and live healthy everyday. My sister though helped me and i got just abit better so i had the chance to make some letter stamps for zero costs! i watched Bob Ross while making them..they turnd out so cutee. Made them using spoons and shorks heads, a dead flower, gun wax and some beads. I would love to show you but i dont know how to constain images here yet. I know but not exactly so whatever. Today i just sneeze but pretty sure with extra care i can get away from it. However i gotta do some studying now. lets hope for a good day (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

Chaos, alot of it

Heello it has been a while. i miss writing so much and im too tired to told a pen so i came here as the final escape cause i cant handle life anymore if i dont write right now. A lot happened since last time. Sis got married and left the city. Mid term exams are one week from now. its getting pretty tough. stressing about all those exams is really not cool and i wish it ends in blank of eye but i know it takes time and effort. Had a dream 3 days ago, i was sad and my finals were close, i was sad for noy studying the whole year. when i woke up i felt upset but then managed to see the best part of it, which is that i should take it as a message that if i dont improve my studying level the dream will come true. so i did a bit better. However today i went to school and had avery cool fit hehe. i hate school, whenever i go to school i return home all drained even if i stayed there for 2h only. is it the people or what? i wish i can be less tired when i return home cause this sucks and its annoying to do work with drained mind after being out. Ahh how i love home. Just now, i put some stars on the celling above my bed. Pretty excited to watch them. I also done my first sales ever this month in school bazaar. i wrote letters for people and gained good amount. Bought a leather jacket and jens with them. i will never miss these days though. Exams are destroying my mental health and i feel like im seeking for valdivtion a bit more often than ever. it feels like im an old lady. but here i am. Controling myself as much as i could. i believe that bullshit of one step at atime destroyed me and spoiled me. i love my religion so much cause it helped me grow better and get better methods to deal with my manners and behaivors. Ah for isohel. i wanted to reach out for him in the new year but thought deeply about it and then decieded not to. it will interpret my progress of healing. I had someone else who i overlooked for. and now i see them just the way they are..urgent and too proud. i didnt do much to see them as theyre. just stopped the checking them thing and wrote a lot about it. i guess ut helped. Time heals. we need to idolaise less. and control more. im preetttyy tired and theres endless things to tell but gotta watch the stars above the bed of mine. Goodnight world. Wishing myself the absloute best in those exams and less stress. ya allah help me.

2026< Feb 20

Little Z..wants some warmth

i feel these last two days were so heavy..dont know whats wrong with me..Can it simply be lack of sleep? please be this.

May 10

Last highschool summer

Hiii it has been a loy really! we are living the last days of the screwed shit called 12th grade im so happy that i can count the days that are left. and a year has been since i cut it with isohel which i can gladly say now i got over them. im gonna do some biology work now. just wanted to update a lil to read that again when im a bit older and smile proudly haha wish me luck in my finals!!

May 13

Last highschool summer2

its really funny how this year i got to meet so many col people like literally i met the coolest people this year and they were all my age. its more ridiclous bec i left them all. all of these kids were craving for some joy and emotional support, including me. im so glad for not attaching for any. and god whats it with male teens? theyre so fucked up. i know they are just growing but man what was that. usually i get to met males in age from 20 to 23 and not gonna say they were better but still so much differ, which makes me settle for the idea of not being friends with males. lol theyre all fucked, in my society at least. anw i cant wait to finish only one month is away from my finals and then this shit wil be oveeeerrerrrrrerr yayyyyyyyy

july 28

The summer i turned evil

this summer im actully turning evil cuz wtf is wrong with these human beings around me? idc if they think im mean toxic or whatever they wanna think about me cuz ttheyre so toxic themselves and i no longer can handle their shit tbh cuz wtf theyre 90% of time acting shitty and then suddenly they try to be the nicest in the world and expect you to forget what theyve done. thats like the worst behaivor. lets not mention them going into my intentions and misunderstanding all by themsselves. how come i never realized how these humans actully are? oh and shall we mention how they force you into their religion? way of clothing? traditions etc. and deciding your future thinking they have the right but they dont at all. oh shall i mention more? ig thats not enough. theres these jealousy looks. i litarlly look extermly cute in my haircut but then they laugh. theyre so locked in this stuipd circle of theirs. they want u to have long hair, dress with very half clothes not showing any part of ur body and they want u to believe what they do belive in and be all religious talking all nicely and never rejecting their opinions or requests. oh and they dont want u to dye your hair cuz u r not married yet. and once u get married u will lose all ur freedom cuz "men have the right to control their wife" welcome to the middle east. abs the worst place for u hon. whether as a man or a woman. everyone are fucked up here aand what i mentioned is the common shit. not even the daily baises believes. god if this place aint hell idk what it is. i wanna run away so badly. the thing that sucks even more is even kiddos ur age are so into their family believes so theyll laugh at you tooif u mention for example wanting to paint your hair dark purple. theyre litarlly so limited. so freaking limited. iraq is fr the worst.. old women almost worship men. so from that point i decided to be the mean girl lol fuqq everyone in this stuipd society. i will live by myself and that means not talking outloud my thoughts and the things i wanna do. im js gona keep that for myself. get a job collect money for few years and then running away. i need around 12iqd milion to actully go out and few years of not spending much is worth it for running away forever. anyway dispite that im hapy okeiii lol oh and i almost finished highschool. got high marks in 5 topics and now ive two left ill take them in september.

August 16

Another shot

life been recently as fucked up as ever nothing much changed. i feel heaviness in my chest sometimes. i miss my lord.. i gt to know many friends online within few days. i especially like my last friend j. hes realy special and nice. recommended me some artists that really fit my taste which is cool calm tunes and spiritual warm lyrics..like george harrison and pink floyed. i didnt know a thing about music and still dont know much but at least i enjoy it now and im happy for that. thanks for that person. tbh i have no expectations i dont think itd last that long..or im saying that to lower my ecpectations. i contacted isohel few days ago, hes no longer that kind cool guy i knew. he got in the chaos of life and became different and that scares me. i dont wanna lose my kindness like that or my dreamy self. that hopeful silly kid version of me i really like her. but i know this is all temproery and i will become someone else..thats my biggest fear. that i get too caught in life chaos and forget how much peace i have within me..isohel told me that life is easier for girls..we can just marry a weallthy man and everything is great. he told me to to manipulate a rich man and make him think love is all about money and gifts. that surprised me and i didnt know what to say. it felt weird how much he changed to this cold shi in one year. im grateful i ended this earlier. it wouldve been awful to see that change step by step. i wish he could find himself again cuz i thought he was the coolest kid i ever known. at least the version i always knew. im really scared i would be terrable and dull when i grow up just bec of life diffeclties. i wanna stay super fun and hyper as ever. full of colors. so dear life if youre reading this remember you can always be your 17 girl..you have the choise to be all shiny and colorful again..i would also tell you to try making shapes with clay foam. this is so fun! def recommend it. i made a clown, mlp, roblox noob and zaid and science character. oh im gonna take the 2 exams left in sept 3 and 10. idgaf what i will get. i will run no matter what. this is my only goal and theres bunch of ways we can do that. dont stress at all. i trust you so much youre so much capable beyond what you think. i have big trust in me an di will run away and go to the place i belong somewhere where i will find people who are like me..who will love me as i am and be always proud of me. one day surely. and i miss allah.. ik hes always there for me..i know he loves me lots despite how lazy i am to do anythin in return. i will change my persepective of this religion and make it full of love and mercy as it should feel. im in my best version and i have so much love for myself i know i got my back and i know i will always think of a way to do the best for me i know i will always find my way back and solve it. im much more beyond limits and i trust my mind abilties so much. i love you z..