Zooey’s Dairy

Hello there world.. I'm really grateful for figuring out coding again..for a while i thought my mind is no longer interested in anything, gratefullu it still is alive. it was just off..work is exhausting. Acadimic pressure is the worst. You're constantly thinking if youe doing well or not, because you never know. i dont know what im gonna do in 2 years from now, who will i be then..a lot of thoughts about the future that drains my energy alot. Past is no exicption, i cant help it but think about someone alot, let's call him Isohel. or is that too long? but whatever..hes everywhere..my stuipd ass connected everything to him. Peaceful moments? him. Mac and cheese? him. Cats? him. Studying? him. Art? him. Good style? him..everything in my day just reminds me of him its getting unhealthy for me and should figure something to stop it cuz what the hell. Attachment distroies our brain function. i wanna see things.. see me and my life instead of that person which probably doesnt give a damn about me. even if they do, this is unhealthy. its like loving someone who died and no longer exists. Its sick. Though i know i will certainly move on cause i always do. i dont know why its taking too long this time..maybe because he didnt hurt me so its harder t move on. wait..what was there to move on from? we didnt have the kind of friendship where you send voice msgs or pictures. Till the last moment he doesnt know about my face or my voice and never told him where i live directly. so i probably made this whole thing spcial by my imagination. and fuck i caught cold from my sister. However things will work out and i will get to live the peaceful days again.

Hi again, yesterday i figured what it really means to have no energy. My cold got worse and i stayed in bed almost all day. I've been hearing a ringing in my ear since yesterday. This honestly made me grateful for my ability to breathe and live healthy everyday. My sister though helped me and i got just abit better so i had the chance to make some letter stamps for zero costs! i watched Bob Ross while making them..they turnd out so cutee. Made them using spoons and shorks heads, a dead flower, gun wax and some beads. I would love to show you but i dont know how to constain images here yet. I know but not exactly so whatever. Today i just sneeze but pretty sure with extra care i can get away from it. However i gotta do some studying now. lets hope for a good day (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

Heello it has been a while. i miss writing so much and im too tired to told a pen so i came here as the final escape cause i cant handle life anymore if i dont write right now. A lot happened since last time. Sis got married and left the city. Mid term exams are one week from now. its getting pretty tough. stressing about all those exams is really not cool and i wish it ends in blank of eye but i know it takes time and effort. Had a dream 3 days ago, i was sad and my finals were close, i was sad for noy studying the whole year. when i woke up i felt upset but then managed to see the best part of it, which is that i should take it as a message that if i dont improve my studying level the dream will come true. so i did a bit better. However today i went to school and had avery cool fit hehe. i hate school, whenever i go to school i return home all drained even if i stayed there for 2h only. is it the people or what? i wish i can be less tired when i return home cause this sucks and its annoying to do work with drained mind after being out. Ahh how i love home. Just now, i put some stars on the celling above my bed. Pretty excited to watch them. I also done my first sales ever this month in school bazaar. i wrote letters for people and gained good amount. Bought a leather jacket and jens with them. i will never miss these days though. Exams are destroying my mental health and i feel like im seeking for valdivtion a bit more often than ever. it feels like im an old lady. but here i am. Controling myself as much as i could. i believe that bullshit of one step at atime destroyed me and spoiled me. i love my religion so much cause it helped me grow better and get better methods to deal with my manners and behaivors. Ah for isohel. i wanted to reach out for him in the new year but thought deeply about it and then decieded not to. it will interpret my progress of healing. I had someone else who i overlooked for. and now i see them just the way they are..urgent and too proud. i didnt do much to see them as theyre. just stopped the checking them thing and wrote a lot about it. i guess ut helped. Time heals. we need to idolaise less. and control more. im preetttyy tired and theres endless things to tell but gotta watch the stars above the bed of mine. Goodnight world. Wishing myself the absloute best in those exams and less stress. ya allah help me.